Picking Up American Women

From Dan Savage’s weekly column:

I’ve noticed this fine guy at the gym. From the way he looks at me, I can tell he’s interested, but I have no idea why he hasn’t approached me. We make a lot of eye contact while we work out, and some days he’ll walk by my treadmill and awkwardly smile, but we’ve talked only once. Is he shy? Should I try to talk to him again? How can I come off as more approachable? I’m finding myself obsessing over him (like I said, he is fine), but the more I do, the more pathetic I feel.

Okay, PSGWAC, a lot of guys—fine and otherwise—have been led to believe that hitting on girls who aren’t in bars or on personals websites is tantamount to sexual harassment. Because, you see, for the last 20 years, fine and otherwise guys have been told that it’s not nice to hit on girls at work, on the bus, at the gym, or in class. Girls are still getting hit on at work, on the bus, at the gym, and in class, of course, just not by nice guys. The guys who approach girls at work, on the bus, etc. are, for the most part, fine and otherwise assholes.

Whether or not getting hit on is a welcome experience basically comes down to if you find the other person interesting. I’ve found myself behaving almost as badly women who have declined my own overtures when the woman was unappealing to me. On the other hand, when I found the woman interesting……. :).

Reading the quote from Dan Savage’s column as a person looking at the whole picture beyond my own interests I would say the situation described there is a good thing. It is no fun to get hit on by someone you don’t like. It can feel sleazy and it is even worse in a situation where you can’t avoid the person. Work, class, the bus, etc.

Reading the quote as a man, my only thought is

“About time someone said this. Thank You Dan!”


It is easy growing up as a man in America to get the message that it is wrong to be a man and an offense to approach a woman. I think some of it is just part of the natural mating dance, but I also think American women as a group have ratcheted it up a few notches. Sort of like the cigarette companies increasing the nicotine levels in tobacco beyond what is natural. Then American women complain that men aren’t approaching them when they are interested.  Geeze! 🙂

As annoying as this contradiction is, there are the seemingly endless legions of wimpy young men complaining about being lonely and being too shy to approach women. Here is a clue guys.  It is a normal part of life as a man.  It gets easier with time.  Get over it!   You will not get physically hurt, you can say you tried, the sun will still shine on you the next day and kittens will still purr when you pick them up.

To paraphrase something else Dan Savage uttered, “nobody gets laid unless someone is willing to risk looking like a fool”.

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